Hard life.

Well who said it was going to be easy? I'm figuring out everyone has got something going on. Whether it is small or big. Doesn't matter, it is the fact that they need help. They need to know at least one person cares. Yes it may be that they want attention...but isn't that the point? We all crave for attention, it's what we live for. Feeling alone sucks. Feeling like no one cares about you is even worse. Everyone has felt that way. Life may get to the point of suicide, and that's scary. The mind is strong and one wrong move...it's all over.
Maybe if we all start listening, things will change. Just give a hug to a random stranger, who knows, it might just save their life.

One question.

What are you Thankful for?

Me? What am I not thankful for? Words cannot explain how thankful I am for everything I have. I never really show it, nor do I really say it.... as much as I should say it. I guess thats a good thing we have Thanksgiving. It's a good day to show how thankful you are. If you said it every other day of the year, it would just be too 'comfortable'. Thanksgiving makes it unusual and meaningful.

Never really thought about that one. That makes me feel better for all the times my friends and family never thanked me for anything....at least on this day you hear it all day.
Emma Mae. Family. Friends. God. Shelter. Hubby. Food. Freedom. America. Patience. Caring.
Be thankful for everything, your talents, your surroundings, even your personality!
Happy (late) thanksgiving everyone!

Changes.

Everything's changing. The world, the weather, friends and family, and just basically every aspect of life. I don't think I like it either. I hate change. So so much, I just don't handle it well. It's hard looking back at the past, and then looking at where I am now. You know whats even harder? Looking ten, fifteen, twenty years from now.
Scary. Where will I be? What will I be doing? Will I be a successful person? Will I even be alive? Time is not our friend. Got to stick that into our minds. Just have to. I guess changes will occur for the rest of my life, I'll just have to deal with it. Just hope it's for the better.
Advice, be careful with your life, remember who you used to be awhile back? Young, careful, guys had cooties, drinking and smoking were not even a choice. Wait....we grew up, that's right. Sad story, growing up.

"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing."- George Bernard Shaw
"Too many people grow up.That's the real trouble with the world,too many people grow up.They forget."- Walt Disney
"You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely." - Anonymous

Lately.

I have been feeling a bit down. No I do not hate my life nor am I upset about it, I am just tired and annoyed with the same old same old. I am ready for adventure. I know with Emma that seems a little impossible, but what's my reason for that? Why would it be impossible? Because I'm lazy. That's just it. Of course I couldn't do anything crazy, but I need to step out of my little box. Live life...with Emma. Staying home all day is making me depressed. I miss being outgoing and a social hog. I'm ready to step out...
Am I wrong for saying this? I just miss being me. I feel like everyone dislikes me for having a baby. So what, mistakes happen. Everyone says who cares what others think, that's just a saying though, no one really goes for that. At least everyone I know doesn't. It's so hard to not to care what others think. So hard....maybe that's why I have been hiding in my little box...
When in doubt chicken out. True that. 

Late photos.

 Cross Country meet, Halloween, Nineteenth Birthday

Sorry I put up too many photos, but in my opinion, photos make anything with words even better. It can show alot more than words can too, the smiles especially. I am finally getting into the habit of taking memories, precious kodak moments that I will never get back. Good thing my dad got me a camera. A good one in fact. Thanks Dad!

Emma Mae, the cutest thing ever!

Shout Out.

To Stephen Cook. For winning fifth in his region meet! Meaning he gets to go to state all by himself to represent!

I honesty admit I do miss high school. Don't get me wrong, I didn't like it, but it was fun while it lasted. The drama, worrying about what to wear, the reputation, popularity, the clicks all sucked. You need to take out the bad though and see the good. The pep rallies, making friends, football games, prom, homecoming, the dances, powderpuff. Those are the things I miss. Adults always say "real life" sucks. It does. For the most part anyway. Working instead of going to school to fool around isn't any better. Maybe just maybe people need to realize they take things for granted way too much. School is a break. A time to find out who you really are. Who your friends are. And what your future will be. I guess we just don't think of these things till its too late. Till we're working everyday and too tired all the time or retired and looking back at everything. I wish I would have realized this, because right now, I am just as lost as someone just entering their freshman year.

Just a word of advice. Listen.

Birthday week.

Has passed. My nineteenth birthday is over with. It was great though

I must say. The last few weeks have been so crazy. October is usually my busiest month of the year, not to mention my favorite. I love fall. I love Halloween. I love my birthday. I love everything about the month! Emma even turned 6 months (her half birthday) how exciting! She has been wonderful, she had a doctors appointment, and got a couple shots. She is now eating baby foods, such as peas...yuck.

Where there is no imagination there is no horror.  ~Arthur Conan Doyle, Sr.

Ninteenth Birthday: Wonderful. I got an iPod from a great friend Jenna Allen, lovely lunch at a Mexican restaurant including a few other gifts from Lisa Allen. (Allen's do it the best), I even got a gift certificate for back massage therapy from Olivia Williams. Talk about GREAT.

Halloween: Much fun, it was Emmas first Halloween. Went trick or treating for probably five minutes. It was super chilly out. Did a couple fall festivals though which I thoroughly enjoyed. Trunk or treating was successful even though we were called the last minute group. Obvious for a baby mama. I had fun though, Emma did too even though she wont remember at all, but hey, that is what it's all about.

Gosh. I just cant believe October is gone, it feels like it just flew by. November is here though. Kinda hoping it goes by fast because December is up, and I am looking forward to the Christmas fun! Emmas first Christmas, it will all be so perfect. The decorations, the tree, the presents, the dinners. Yeah right. It will be the most imperfect Christmas just like everything else in my life. But hey, I'm not complaining. I love my life, and everything about it. I went through the stage where I hated it, but I need to get over it. Things are like it should be, and Emma is everything I have ever wanted. I mean, how much more perfect could THAT be?

Happy Halloween everyone.

Montana.

Time flies when your having the time of your life. You know why? Because you forget about all your worries and let them fade. To me this is the easiest when your away. From everything that is. The stress, the drama, friends, family, etc. Emma and I went to Montana for a week. The flight was miserable, even though Emma did so well, carrying two bags and Emma was terrible. I had to switch airplanes in Denver. Unfortunately I got delayed. Arriving in Montana felt awesome though, and relieving! The week was a very relaxed one thank goodness, mostly because Emma was exhausted!

Sailing, Hu Hot, running store, playground, merry go round, aunts, uncles, cousins, and most important...grandpa. He is pretty amazing and I am glad I was able to go there to visit him and catch up. The hardest thing was definitely leaving. Saying goodbye is always hard no matter how long it will be till you see that special someone again. It sucks. Flight back was fine. Three hour delay not so fine. Normally i wouldn't mind but carrying emma everywhere in crowded places and having to watch her the whole time was kind of annoying and tiring. Trip was fantastic overall, maybe I would rather have someone with me the next time. Being alone  in a huge airport with no help kind of stinks.... Kind of scary....anyways, I had fun, glad I was able to go. No complaints from here. 

That's Emma.

She is 6 months old. ---->

I love her! <3

Remember.

9/11 was yesterday. I hear a lot of people saying, it is really not a big deal and there are bigger problems going on in the world. What is the matter with people these days. Hundreds of people died that day, none of them deserved it. It was uncalled for and unplanned. People need to be more thankful for what they have and for their lives because you never know what your gonna get. That day was a part of our history.

Remember those.

September 11 2001.

Photographs.

I love taking pictures, but I have lacked taking them. I am getting back into the habit though, mainly because I want and need memories of Emma. She is growing up too fast, so looking back at her newborn photos seem like forever away. Photos make me smile though, when I see one I always remember everything about when the photo was taken...most of the time. I hate when I miss those kodak moments, or when I don't take enough photos, nothing to remember or look back upon but the ones I do have are pretty amazing and worth while.                                                                                               On another note, Emma has started eating rice mixed with milk, she likes it, I think...she eats it then spits it out. Leaving a lovely mess. Yum. She is also crawling and climbing on stuff, what a big girl ! I am so proud of her, she is ahead of schedule on everything. Although sitting up has not been her biggest thing as of yet, I am working on that one. Slowly but surely it will happen. So, we got back from Missouri a week ago, and I said no more trips for awhile. I lied. I should be going to Montana on September the 21st. Not only am I excited but I am scared...I will be flying there. I flew once when I was a newborn from Korea to the states...right, I don't recall any memories. I get to see my family though and so does Emma, two weeks from Macon, it shouldn't be too bad, should be a great getaway. Hopefully.

Bye Macon, see you soon. Not yet unfortunately, just a few weeks away. 

Patience.

Back in the Mac.

 Missouri was great. End of story. A twenty hour trip there and back, Emma was amazing the whole time, even the car ride. So here is a defined list of our trip:

-I got a perm and a feather for free. 

-Enjoyed $2.99 smoothieking Tuesday.

-Won $41.00 off of the lottery.

-Visit some great family.

-Emma did her first crawling at her great grandmothers.

-Found the coolest movie place.

-Went to a great mall with stores Macon does not have.

-Drive thrus at Subway, every gas station and smoothieking.

I am so glad I got the break and time away from Macon. I needed a break, and something better to do than sit around the house. I would not mind going back for another stay. The only thing that I hated was goodbyes.They suck. But I love traveling places and seeing people. I'll be saying goodbye to people for the rest of my life, better get used to it.

Missouri, I hope to see you again soon.

Road trip.

To Missouri. Thank goodness. It will be a hard time getting there and back but I think it will be totally worth it. I hope. I am getting tired of arguments, fighting, and bias people. Maybe this vacation or what I call it, a getaway, will help and ease all of the stress. 

Pray for a safe trip...

Bye Macon.

Sick.

Emma has been sick the last couple of days, It's so sad watching her suffer. What is even worse is hearing her cry, it breaks my heart to pieces. I hate when something is not in my control. If I could control everything around me, Emma would not be sick right now. I love that little girl, please go away cold. 

 She is finally almost able to crawl, I give it another week before she does, so I have been stressing about keeping the house clean, who ever knew it was so hard to keep a house clean, it is like impossible ! I have to do it for Emma though so she can stay healthy and not hurt herself ! I cannot believe how fast she is growing up, I kind of hope she slows down a little, but then again, I'll be happy to quit changing her diapers all the time. Not looking forward to hearing "I hate you mom" when she is a teen though. I have never been so in love with something, it's hard to realize she is a little human being ! So cute. I'm looking forward to seeing her grow up, it'll be fun !

I guess when it comes down to it, being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up. These are the best days of our lives. The only thing that matters is just following your heart, and eventually you'll finally get it right.- The Ataris

School.

Is starting. For everyone. But me. 

Kind of glad, I need a break, more than two months, maybe this will relieve me from everything. Once January hits I think things will get back into proportion and I'll be able to get back on my feet. Lately I have been drained of everything. Emotions especially. I feel like doing nothing ever, don't even like doing my hair or makeup anymore. Shocking. I definitely miss me being happy all the time and I am sure everyone around me does too. It is hard to make someone happy, it kinda just has to happen. School will probably help when everyone's going back though, it won't be so much as, "hey want to go to the beach? Oh wait..." Yeah. Now I'll be the one hanging around while others are stuck in school. Maybe that will help...just maybe. The only sucky thing is I don't have anymore help from my siblings, so basically it is still a lose/lose situation. Prayers. I need prayers. And I need to pray way more.

I'm positive everything will work out as it should, I'll just soak everything in, and let life flow.

Christians.

I am a big Christian. I may not go to church as I used to, but I believe in God one hundred percent.

Although sometimes, I am kind of ashamed of being a Christian. You wanna know why? Well look at all the Christians in America. We are all so terrible. We are stuck up, hypocritical, we judge people, we are mean, and we are plain out not God's followers. Of course, no one is perfect, I get that. But good grief, if walking in a church is uncomfortable, no one even speaks to you, that is just sad. Youth pastors should reach out, as much as possible, even to the people who drink, smoke and do drugs. We should all love one another. Giving up is a big thing I have seen. Of course it is the easiest thing to do, but probably the worst. Gosh, people in this world, have become scary.

Let's all smile at one another as we walk pass each other, or lend a helping hand, start small, grow BIG.

Careless.

Careless People. Hate them all. Stop being so self centered and go help others. Stop thinking of only yourself. It's bad for everyone surrounding you. It is time to start thinking of others. We all get so excited to do mission trips and pay thousands of dollars, but why not go downtown for free and serve? Or lend a couple dollars to a friend whose going through money problems. Buy food for the needy? Hmm, be nice. Just be happy with life. It's too much of a waste of time when were all fighting constantly, and complaining about how we don't have everything we want.

Babysat three kids today, loved it, and loved them. They are too sweet. Not as sweet as my Emma of course. :)Got a watermelon from Kroger, wanted it so bad, it was a crappy one though. Made me mad ! So I took it back, and their customer service was closed. Boo. Guess I will wait another day ! :)

Hmm.

People will be people, but some of them you'll just have to let go. Sucks for yall !

I think having a baby has made me realize who my real friends are. I'm not going to say who, but thank you for being there for me and helping me out.

 And thank you everyone else for supporting me with good and positive comments about the whole manner.

Prayers to those people in the huge accident on Mercer. I was stuck in traffic for an hour and a half. Truck driver ran a red light and killed a women, and injured another. Suckers still alive. Thankfully, I suppose. But pray for the family who had a loss. :/

Driving.

Can. Be. Stress. Honestly anytime I am in a hurry, everything in the world has to occur. Coincidence? I think so. To all the dumb drivers, please drive more efficient? Thank you. Not that I don't drive dumb sometimes, guilty as charged. BUT I have not gotten a ticket or gotten pulled over....knock on wood.

Today we had a family photo shoot. It was a lot of fun, but the guy taking pictures making Emma laugh was a bit silly, great photographer though. 

I have not yet figured out what I want to do yet for my future, but photography may be a thought. I love taking photos, and I'm not to shabby, I don't think? Nursing has been my goal so far, but who says I can't do both?

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life"

Seems fair to me !

Thoughts.

“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”

Sometimes that can be too good to be true. Having a baby is so hard I am realizing. I LOVE it don't get me wrong, but I think the worst parts are the emotions. No more being an individual, and that's what kinda stinks. I can't just go out anymore, and do what I want. Emma is my boss, and I do as she pleases. I sometimes give up on calling up friends to make plans, because I have this sense of pity they feel towards me. Don't feel sorry for me though, I'm good. Maybe be there for me a little more? I still like feeling like a teenager every now and then...

Emma cries ALOT, but only because she is teething....please end. Please? Yeah, don't have a baby unless you have ALOT of patience. Didn't watch any television today, instead I puzzled with my brother and my dad. We were entertained. I think this world would be better if we all had a little family time...without electronics because they can be an interruption. Figures. But who would do that? Because electronics take over the world. Sad. 

Gosh.

I love this little girl. She lights up my morning when I wake up. The most exciting things are yet to come but so far she has done so much. She turned over a while ago, when she first did it was more exciting than graduating high school just about. When she smiles it makes me the happiest inside. I don't want her to grow up, but it will happen. So I will continue to cherish every moment with her.

Today was cupcake day with the best friends. It went well and I had a lot of fun, we plan on selling them and making a few dollars, so come and buy one, or two, or twenty three ! Please?

I love hanging out with them, I miss the old times and I want to bring them back. Let's do it.

“Time goes by so fast, people go in and out of your life. You must never miss the opportunity to tell these people how much they mean to you.”

Btw, Emma laughed for the first time today ! Gosh, greatest and cutest thing ever !

Decisions.

Decisions. Decisions. What to cook? Oh, stroganoff, yum. I love cooking. Especially for loved ones. Such a good choice for dinner, and an easy one.

I hate making choices that depend on my future though. I hate making choices about small things too. Especially hard ones that could affect you, or the other. Today I sat around signing up for college, should I start this semester or next? Then I have to think of all the outcomes. The bad things and the good things. Of course when I finally come with the outcome, it's the thing I don't want to do. Luckily, I find out it is too late to sign up, so I will be able to start a semester late. I figure I would do better with a baby and all...So how about other decisions...like should I do this or that. Should I clean the house or wait till tomorrow, should I buy this shirt or those shoes? And then there are those big ones that can change your life. Should I marry this guy or wait? Should I drop my friends or keep them? Should I drop out of high school or stay? And the questions continue on.

My thing is, don't worry. Things will follow through as they should. Don't stress out about making a decision because soon your going to pop, and then you will make the wrong one. Don't let someone else make the decision for you. Think about it. Everything will turn out good no matter what in the end.

Life goes on.

Yes it does. I'm not the one to talk, but I seem to see a lot of people complaining about something so small and so pointless. Like not being able to get a boyfriend, or not having money to see a movie. Others have a reason to be upset though. But don't let it take over your life. It may be hard, but you must let go. Or your life will be miserable. Trust me, I've gone through it, we all have. I sense that bad luck comes my way no matter what and I have let it get to me every time. I'm learning not to. When something terrible happens, or life isn't going your way, of course depression comes up. Depression sucks. It's scary because when the point comes, the mind can be strong. Very strong, leading you to do not wise things. Life is so scary, I worry all the time about the future.

Don't though. Because good comes out of bad, every time. When God brings you too the bad, he'll help you through it, and bring you to the good. There is always someone on worst terms than you are. Be positive. I know a few who have lost a loved one, who wishes they could have done anything to spend more time with that person, I'm on the same boat, my grandmother. But don't spend your time wishing, what's done is done, and soon enough you will see them again. Don't let life get in your way, instead strive to live it, it's too short. Lend a helping hand to someone in need, it makes me feel better all the time, and you might just make someone other than yourself happy.  

You can either live in bad luck, or make it somewhat better by making the smallest changes.

Trends.

I never realized how hard it is to stay on top of trends until I went shopping this evening. Every single person passing me by with Polo on, with rompers on, with iPhones...It seems as if your not cool enough if you don't have everything that everyone else has, it is kinda upsetting. It is a big issue in today's society, kids getting picked on because they don't have a game boy, or high school students sitting at the loser table because they are not wearing Polo. I have always been the one to want to be on top of trends but it is so much work and so expensive. So why exactly is it that big of a deal? Then you see a homeless person, who has nothing, or a child in Africa who has nothing...then I see my Emma who doesn't care, she is herself, and so happy ! 

Maybe we should all be like baby Emma....eh, who's going to listen to me anyways? :P

Stress.

Patience is a virtue. Not in my world. It seems as if stress has overcome my state of mind. So much going on ALL the time. Parents divorce, death of a loved one, newborn baby, finances, friends and marriage ! So what do I do? I sit around holding everything in, pretending nothing is wrong. Is that the right and smart thing to do? Probably not, but I do it anyways. Sometimes I wish everything would stop. But with my luck it will continue on. 

I guess that's why patience is a virtue though, because once all the bad clears my mind, I'm still happy with my life. I have a beautiful baby, a lovely hubby, and amazing support ! So, lesson learned, Life sucks don't look at all the bad because there is always good in life, you just have to look at it in that point of view.

First Blog.

Today I am starting a blog. It may sound dumb and might not be a good idea like a GREAT idea, but it will be a way for me to get things off my chest. Things like how life can just suck so bad, or how dumb some people can be. Well we'll see how it goes...not like I have anything better to do...